I regret to announce that I am laying this journal to rest. There are many memories recorded in and associated with this blog, and so they shall remain, until the internet implodes upon itself and/or LiveJournal decides to cover the entire page with advertisements. I'm not deleting anything (I'm still keeping my account), but I won't be posting any future entries.

Instead, I'm going to revive my old, extremely neglected blog, which has (by far) a more creative title. It is located at http://loquaciousbarnacle.blogspot.com, for those interested.

"Goodbye, cruel adventure game!"
Guybrush Threepwood, Escape from Monkey Island

I just finished one homework assignment, so I figure I'm bound to waste this next half hour anyway...

I feel like I've reached some kind of turning point in my life. It's like one of those video games where the ground is falling away from you piece by piece, and you have to jump to the next segment before the one you're on lets you drop to the center of the earth. You just have to hit the button and jump, and not look back. It's easy enough to tell myself this is the rational thing to do, but it's another issue completely to convince the non-logical part of my brain that it's okay to let go.

In my past experience, I have noticed that I tend to obsess over things. Perhaps it's because I know that my memory of events tends to fade exponentially as a function of how long ago they occurred, and so I hit the replay button repeatedly in my mind in hope that I won't forget. About two years ago, I started keeping a diary again so that I could record such thoughts. It isn't a regular diary, by far, but instead just a place where I can go when something significant happens. Since then, I've had fewer of these obsessions, because I know that I can always go back and read exactly what I was thinking.

But there are some things that just aren't the same when I go back and read them, and some feelings that I couldn't possibly put into words. Herein lies the true test of my ability to relax, close my eyes, and jump with blind faith before I start crashing down. Here is where I have to be able to believe that I will be just fine, or even happier than before.

And it's also kicking my ass. :(

But now I am older and not quite as garrulous... or perhaps just more disenchanted with the world. The point is that I don't any awesome stories to tell about comp (except for the EPIC story of the 12 Tacos Du Del Taco but I think that one is best told out loud). And unfortunately, I don't have any incriminating blackmail photos of Chris and Nihal cuddling to share with everyone.

I think it will suffice to say that we did really well, and could have done better if not for a turn for the worse that was wholly out of our control.

It's also worth mentioning that I haven't felt this happy in a really long time. And I'm talking about laughing, giggling, birds chirping (as someone has put it), deep-down-in-my-heart happiness. It's kind of nice.

Last week I had a long string of everything going wrong for me... Didn't get enough sleep, went to the machine shop early to see if stuff needed to get done, decided to do homework, computer was slow, used Dylan's computer, failed to log on to AirBears, found out my computer had a virus, decided to use the machine shop computer, bSpace was down, etc. And then forgot to turn in one of my homework assignments (which I had already completed). Brilliant.

But somehow everything turned itself around. I found a sublet for summer, which is an apartment in a converted sorority, so the room is gorgeously huge (even though the common area is tiny). Also, I've been watching ungodly amounts of funny TV shows (i.e. The Office, Psych, and 30 Rock). And I finally finished my scarf. :D :D :D And I got an A in CE130, wooooo!!!

Now back to studying for my last final tomorrow morning...

"There are two things that single girls can do that will guarantee them to attract more single guys:

1. Talk less.
2. Put out more."

- KLLC 97.3FM Alice, "The Sarah and No Name Show"

It's amazing how little things can make such a huge difference. Something as small as building up the courage to make a potentially strained and/or awkward phone call is infinitely rewarding when it all goes well.

...especially when I have to get up early tomorrow morning.

In light of certain incidents which have occurred recently, I've started thinking more about myself and who I am. And I don't mean in a selfish way, but really trying to figure out why I act the way I do sometimes. I feel like most of the time I'm so wrapped up in school and work and FSAE and other crap that keeps me busy that I don't have the time to come to grips with my feelings. I find it incredibly strange that I'm mostly reasonable and logical (I think) but that some things just trigger my crazy button. The weirdest part is that I can't even catch myself being crazy until much later when I think about what happened, and my thoughts are something along the lines of: "Oh, that was stupid."

Maybe being crazy is just part of life? I don't know. OCD tells me that everything should be neat and organized and rational, but clearly that isn't the case.

There are lots of things that I wish had never happened.

I don't know who actually reads this, but for those who do...

I was driving the FSAE car today and went a little too fast. As I got near the end of the road I got on the brakes and then grabbed the clutch to downshift. But the clutch is by the steering wheel so grabbing it causes the wheel to turn (at least for me, because I'm not very good at it). So I was turning really fast to the right. So I did two things which might have been ok individually, but which were really stupid together. I got harder on the brakes and attempted to turn the wheel back to the left. This only caused the rear wheels to break loose and I spun out. I ended up hitting a huge orange sign (you know the kind they have by the side of the freeway with flashing messages) with the rear of the car. Every single suspension link in the rear broke (A-arms, push rods, tie rods), as well as one of the tripod joints in the axles, as well as a lot of random bolts and rod-ends.

I still feel really dumb and a little bit guilty, even though everyone was really encouraging and told me that it wasn't my fault. Luckily I got away with only a few bruises. But the lesson learned here is that I should never drive anything fast if I don't have a huge expanse of open area, because I just might kill myself.

Also, dammit rondaview, I need to NOT be procrastinating...

10 random things, facts, goals, or habits about yourself

1. I always have hang nails. WTF YO.
2. My writing utensils are sorted into 3 compartments: pencils, pens, and markers/highlighters... Apparently I'm OCD.
3. I knit while in class. (Because it's a boring class, but I can't skip because otherwise I won't learn.) Someday I will finish this scarf I've been working on. (I WILL, DAMMIT.)
   
4. I have paper clips, push pins, and rubber bands in 3 separate Altoids containers, each of which is labeled "NOT FOR EATING".
5. I regularly read t_shirt_surgery in the all-but-futile hope that I will ever complete (or start) a reconstruction project. Although I have many good ideas.
6. Ditto for Craftster.
7. That one guy from the machine shop is reaaally cute... ;)
8. I just had this awesome idea for a company, which is to sell custom glasses/sunglasses frames. Customers could pick the shape, style, and color of their frames, and they could be fully customizable. They could even pick what type of lenses they want. Potential challenge: how to verify that their prescription is legitimate?
   
9. I'm really cheap. (Although I think this is well known.)
10. Here's a goal: to convince my mom to lend me her sewing machine for the summer.

P.S. AMY POEHLER IS HAVING A BABY!!! AWWWW!!!